It gets better

I know I don’t blog as much as I say I would, and I’m sorry. But this is important.
If you haven’t heard of the “It Gets Better” project, please look into it. It is a wonderful movement to help teens realize that life will get better. It’s geared towards LGBT teens, but this blog is geared towards vampires & swans, so that is where I’m dedicating it to. I know, I know… It should be a video, but I get highly emotional at a drop of a hat, and with my thick accent, adding tears would make me that much more unintelligible. Hence the written word.
Many of you know me as the bubbly, outspoken Acrophobic Pixie. If you really knew me, especially when I was a teenager, you would be shocked. Gods, I’m so damned quiet, shy, and introverted, it’s ridiculous. I almost missed out on meeting the love of my life due to it.
In high school, I was the shy loner kid who didn’t fit in anywhere. I was in marching band, but I didn’t have any real friends there. I was on the academic teams, even medalling at state Academic Decathalon, but I didn’t feel close to anyone there. I wasn’t freaky enough for the Goth crowd, etc. I grew up in a smallish town in the middle of nowhere Indiana. If you went to the wrong church, you were shunned. So, try to imagine being pagan, with your closest friend being a vampire. To top that off, add normal things girls get bullied over. I was over weight, didn’t have the latest fashions, etc. My parents divorced when I was 6, and then had a fairly nasty custody battle when I was 10. I was physically ripped from my mother’s arms because a family member didn’t want to acknowledge that she existed.
My life has not always been pretty. I know it’s hard to believe, but I have made stupid choices in my life. I have contemplated suicide. Several times. I KNOW how it feels to think that it can never get better, that the pain will stop. It will get better. Trust me.
I have gone through a lot in my life. I have been through what, to me, was hell on earth. I have survived through a dysfunctional family and home life as a child. I have survived an abusive relationship. I have survived being evicted, homeless, needing the help from total strangers to live. I have survived being the butt of bully’s jokes, being mentally and physically abused by people and feeling like you can’t do anything right.
But, like Dan Savage and his husband, Terry, said, it gets better.
I’m not nearly as extroverted as I wish I could be, but I now have many friends, from all over the world. I have met the love of my life, and we have been discussing marriage. I have a steady job, where it doesn’t matter who you are, or where you’re from. My life is a hell of a lot better than I ever thought when I was a teenager. God, if I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would. I would hug younger Pixie, and tell her how awesome we become. We have people who love us, who respect our opinions. We have started a support network for members of the vampire community that had, heretofore been fairly ignored. I’ve had a hard life, but it’s gotten so so so much better. I just hope that you, whoever you are, you can try to believe me. I don’t know you, might never know you, but you’re awesome. You’re special, and nothing anyone says or does can ever change that. You deserve to be whoever you want to be.
Whoever you are, I love you. And you totally deserve it. Never ever let anyone tell you you don’t. I. Love. You. That’s it. Finito. The end. And I’m totally tearing up atm. I’m going to go cuddle with Cricket, mah baby demon kitteh.

Weekend 1 Aka Days 3&4

Do to my work schedule (I work in retail for a pharmacy chain), I close on Saturdays, and open on Sundays, which is kind of brutal on the sleep schedule, so I’m almost never online Saturday nights, unless I’m wracked with insomnia. So, until my schedule changes, the weekend posts will be smushed together into one post.

Not much has happened, vamp wise. My vamp is feeling much better. They gave her a script for super benadryl, and I think they might be giving her something like what people with bee allergies have, in case of a sudden attack on her system. My older brother, the vamp, is doing well. We talked last night before I passed out. We bond in a strange way, while he’s on duty as an MP in the army. I call, and we listen and comment on what goes over the police freq’s he listens to. Dispatch has such a cute little accent 😛

My mom made my day when she picked me up from work last night. She got me a coffee maker. And not just any coffee maker…

A Hello Kitty coffee maker. If you know me, you know my fascination with Hello Kitty and the color pink. The thing is at least three different shades of pink. So, what did I do? Called my brother and left a message, demanding that he buy me something to match. 😛 I apparently talked too fast from the excitement, so I had to repeat myself significantly slower to him later on. Yeah… No dice on getting the matching toaster or toaster oven. *pouts* He’s kind of on the broke side at the moment, so I told him I could wait.

Oh, and the coffee maker works wonderfully. Mom and I split a pot while watching tv and crocheting new projects. Mom attempting a capelet pattern, and myself working on a scarf for my sister of the heart’s boyfriend/fiance.

Today was rather uneventful. I hit the snooze 3 times before actually waking up, fed my fish, Meester Feeshie, got dressed, brushed my teeth and hair, ditched doing makeup, grabbed my purse and coat, and got my mom so she could take me to work. Yeah, my vamp is on a budget. Buying her donor a car is out of the question, not that I’d actually let her buy me one. I mean, yarn is one thing, but a car? Oh, hell no. She does not need to try and buy me off to have me give her my energy. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. Anyways… I worked, I got home, did dishes, gave my fish “a bath”, fixed the first pot of coffee, ate dinner and read a pattern book, and here I am.

Now, I guess people are going to go “But, Pixie, what the hell do you actually do that involves vampires? Do you let them bite you and junk, or are you making this whole thing up for attention?”

Well, as of yet, I’m just an energy donor for a psychic vampire. Her body doesn’t make enough energy on it’s own to run her at the peak of fitness. Luckily, she’s evolved or adapted to take in energy from other sources. She is one that takes it psychically. Others need to drink blood to survive. And others still need to take psychic energy AND drink blood, or they aren’t quite right. If a vampire doesn’t get their needed “food”, the symptoms can vary from something as mundane as mild depression, to, I’ve heard, seizures and fits of mania.

Yeah, not pretty.

My job, if you could call it that, is to supply what the vampire can’t make on their own. I naturally have oodles of excess energy. A good portion of it is my own, the other part coming from my empathic abilities. I’m like a walking, talking, human sponge for people’s emotions. If I don’t block it out, I get swamped with every person I come in contact with’s emotions, be it happyness or severe depression. But even with blocking, a little bit of what I come in contact with sticks to me, so I give it to my vamp, in addition to my excess energy. I have no use for it, while she does. Simple as that.

The sensation is different for everyone. And with me, the sensation is slightly different depending on which vamp it is that is tapping into me. My current vamp is not my first, and at one point in our relationship, I was supplying two other’s with energy, I’m that hyper 😛

The way it feels for me, is like someone has ahold of a small section of hair, typically somewhere on the top of my head, and they’re gently, but steadily, pulling up on it. My current vamp, it feels like she pulls from the crown of my head. My brother, just a bit more towards my face from the crown. A friend of ours, it feels like he’s pulling on where I would have bangs, if I kept them short. But with all of them, I have a sense of peace and happiness wash over me. In one instance, the happy feeling was so strong, the only way I can describe it would be like if I had taken a hit of Ecstasy. No, I’ve never taken the drug, but I knew people who had, and have also read the clinical reactions.

But like I said, it’s different for everyone. You might not feel a tugging when you donate, you might feel pressure on a part of your body. Or you might feel no physical effects save a sense of euphoria wash over you. Just remember: If it feels bad, wrong, what have you, tell them to stop. Most vamps strive hard to make it a pleasurable experience for both parties, and if you’re uncomfortable, they will typically stop, let you catch your breath, and discuss the issue with you, so they can see if it is a problem that is fixable, or if you’re not suitable to be a donor to them at that time. If you can’t be their donor, don’t despair! It’s not big deal. You’re not a failure, and they aren’t a picky bastard 😛 You can still be friends, right? Right. So it’s not a big loss on your part. You gain a friend, and the vamp has someone they can talk to about their hidden life without the pressures of a donor/vamp relationship with you pressing on them. They’ll find a donor, and you could probably even help in the search. They could probably even find a vamp that you’d be compatable with, so it really is a win win situation.

 Okay. I think that’s enough me rambling for tonight. I’m well over the 1100 word mark. So, I bid you goodnight, sleep well, whenever you head off to your bed, and I’ll see you tomorrow evening, roughly around this time.

Hello world!

Okay. I’m Acrophobic Pixie. I wander around the net every now and then. To my knowledge, I’m the only pixie that admits to acrophobia, so if you’ve met me, you’ve really met this me. If that makes sense.

So, this blog, the title, and my avatar picture. What the heck?, right? Okay. My avatar is of a döner, this apparently super tasting sandwich. People who don’t use spell check often use doner instead of the word donor. A donor is a person that gives things to people, with no expectations of recieving something in return. Okay, well, it’s a bit more complicated. Sure, I give to charity when I can, but I’m a different kind of donor. I donate to vampires. The real kind, not Dracula.

Vampires and those other things that supposedly go bump in the night exhist. Not all that to get excited about, though. Oooh, it’s a vampire, I’m so scared. *rolls eyes*

I’m currently donor to one vampire. She’s been a great friend of mine for several years. She’s a psychic vampire, so we don’t have to be in the same physical vicinity for her to feed. Now, if I were to have a sanguine vamp, then yes, I’d have to be nearby. Bottled blood is not that safe. And very hard to ship, not that I’d really know.

But I started this blog for the other donors out there. Lady Slinky wanted to know if there were any donor websites, and I didn’t know of any, but I know of crochet and knitting blogs, so I thought, why not? If yarn can have a blog, why can’t a person that is often mistaken for a sandwich? *grins*

Welcome to my blog. Hopefully I’ll do better at this than my old LJ account 😛