Totally unrelated to vampirism, but so is a majority of my life. I’m sorry, but the world doesn’t revolve around them, much as they wish it would be so…


Some of you might know that I’m musically inclined. A good number of my friends are musicians (and they even make a living at it, they’re that good). Now, I’m not claiming to be some virtuoso, but I do have a bit of a knack for matching sounds together and making a nice tune out of them. I’ve been writing music since I was a teen (it was required for my music theory and appreciation class, and well, I just never stopped), and I’ve a few completed songs on my computers, in addition to some half finished songs. I was cajoled the other day to play some of my songs for an audience. Now, it was online in a room, so the audience wasn’t easy to peg down. I queued up one of my songs, and as the first strains came out of my speakers, I instantly ran off to be sick from nerves. The person who needled me into playing my stuff kept an eye on my song’s stats for me…

I had several people love the song, and up vote it, and a few of them snagged the song into their queue to play at a later date. Then, to make matters worse, they wanted more. I about fainted straight away. I know I’m decent, but it’s against my nature to think I’m really awesome at something, especially when so many of my friends are so talented at the same thing. So, I queued up a second song, thinking “Okay, they won’t like it as well as the first because it’s a completely different style, and unlike the first, there’s no 8bit undertones to it.”

Yeah. I was wrong. If anything, they liked that song even better than the first. I was (and still am) flabbergasted at their reaction. They clamored for more, where they could down load the songs, how they could pay me…

So, I’m currently working on setting up an account at , a highly respected site for independant musicians to give quality merchandise and makes keeping track of payments and the like easy on the artists. I put a few songs up to listen (not down loadable) at . My goal is to have a full album uploaded to BandCamp by the end of February/early March and available for purchase. I just need to tweak a few things: render the files in a lossless format, determine the track order, design a cover for the album, and make a banner for the page. The last one is the trickiest. I’m not really all that graphically talented. I’m currently asking for some friends to maybe draw something up for me.

It’s all so exciting, though. I mean, I doubt I’ll ever make a living off of my music until I finish school and get a decent resume (I’ve applied for the Academy of Art’s music program), but still… This is something I didn’t really think I’d see.

Pardon me while I run off to do several happy dances.

A couple of FAQ’s

A person just sent me a message, and it falls along the lines of things I get, sadly, quite often.

The person’s significant other is a vampire. The vampire cares deeply for this person, so obviously they don’t want harm to come to their loved one. But they need to feed from someone, right?

Here’s the thing. We’ve had discussions on a few forums I’m in about this. Vamps are always going to feel guilty about harming their donor for what they need. They know their food, and talk to their food, and their food talks back. It’s unnerving for the vamp. Put it this way. How would you feel if the sandwich you packed for your lunch had a conversation with you while you were eating it? You’d be put off, right? Feel bad that you had to eat it, even though it’s showing obvious signs of intelligence (since it’s talking to you). To the vamp, we donors are the talking sandwich. So put yourself in their shoes for a minute.

What the vamps don’t always understand is that we don’t mind being the talking sandwich when it’s needed. If we’re a sanguine donor, yeah, it’s physically going to hurt a bit, but it’s okay. We’re taking care of our person that we love. Even psychic donors get hurt a bit, but, as with our sanguine counterparts, we bounce back fast, and all is good in the world. Now, what we do mind is if the mindset of us as talking sandwiches stays in the forefront of the vamps mind, and the fact that we are people who care about the vampire gets shoved onto the back burner. Yes, we’re considered food. But we’re your friends, partners, companions, and sometimes your lovers. That part of us comes first. The fact that we feed you is secondary in our relationship.

Now, another question I get quite often is “Do I have enough blood/energy for my vamp? Can you tell me?”

Honestly? I don’t know. For the sanguine donors, there are blood tests that can be done. Basically, if you can donate to the Red Cross/blood bank, you can donate to a vamp. You just can’t donate to the blood bank AND the vamp in the same time period. There’s a limit to how much blood you can give in a certain time period before your health takes a downturn, and if you don’t give your body time to replenish the blodd you’ve lost, you could get seriously ill.

And for the psychic donors, I still can’t tell you. The only thing I can say is to have your vamp feed from you, and see what happens. There are a few possible outcomes. 1) You might not have enough energy to spare, and therefore get lethargic, or get flu like symptoms. 2) You might have more than enough energy, but your vamp is “allergic” to you. Or 3) You have more than enough energy and it’s compatible with your vamp, and if the partnership works out, congratulations are in order.

There is something else I feel I must reiterate. If you are not compatible with your vampire for any way, such as inability to feed them due to lack of resources, allergic reactions to your blood/energy, or it just squicks one or both of you out far too much, it’s okay. It does not make either of you less of a person. It is not your fault that it turned out this way. And you can still be friends!

People keep forgetting the “Friends and family” part of the definition of a Black Swan. I compare it to my best friend and myself. We dated once, and when it didn’t work out, we stayed friends. He is now my best friend in the world, and thanks to our former dating bond, we can talk about who we’re dating, or in his case, he can bitch/gush about his new wife. We can talk about things that are private without worry of being misunderstood. I can’t go to one of my other guy friends and gush about how I miss such and such an attribute from an old boyfriend. That man might think “Oh, well, I have that attribute, as well. Why don’t we try a romantic relationship?” and make our friendship awkward, to say the least.

Just because you can’t be their donor, doesn’t mean that they don’t want a person that they can talk to without being shipped off to the mental ward. You know the vampire community, now. You’ve bonded with your vampiric friend, and you want to be their friend, still, right? Then be there for them. Talk to them, have late night bitch fests with them, go out to the movies together, etc. Just cause you no longer are a walking, talking sandwich doesn’t mean you should leave their life. Yeah, we donors are important, but the friends and family of a vampire are even more so.

Just my $0.02 on the subject. I don’t speak for everyone on this, but *shrugs*

June 21, 2008

Yay for the first full day of spring! My tiger lilies are blooming, the weather is practically perfect. Now, if it can hold out til tomorrow, and if this damned cold will go away.. *grrs*

Yes, we don’t get spiffy enhancements like Renfield does in Dracula. I get sick about once a season, and it typically is bad enough for me to lose my voice (like today). The first time it happened like this, I had been hanging out with a vampire friend of the family, so I joked that the vampires stole my voice, cause it was tastier than my blood or something. It stuck.

And vamps get sick, too. One of my friends has a cold today, as well. And another close friend had her entire family get sick with the flu a few weeks back. Otherkin people get sick as well. Just cause we’re a bit special, doesn’t mean we can avoid all the other mundane icky stuff.

Things are a bit hectic this weekend. The VCMB is down for repairs and upgrades. Which is going to lead to bored vamps and donors to flood the chatzy room and the BSH. During these upgrades, we’ll have a link to the /v/ chatzy on our forums at BSH. If I can figure out how 😛

Yeah, well…

I know I said I’d write more.. But my life has kind of hitched a ride in a handbasket, if you know what I mean. I’ve broken off a relationship that has slowly gone sour over the years. It hurts, but what can you do? If you need to cut the ties, then whip out your scissors, no?

Things between my vamp and I have kind of gotten stressed. Due to my current address being the handbasket, I haven’t been talking to anyone on the phone. No money to buy minutes, and I’m not going to go begging for someone to give me a cell fix. If I can’t get time on my phone, oh well. But she kind of panicked, and was afraid I didn’t want to be her donor anymore, etc. I sent her a message to calm her down. If I get the time tonight, I’ll give her a call. 🙂

Our forums have been up since January-ish.. And we finally had our first big blow up! I’m so surprised, but even with the stress level going through the roof, I’m relieved. Due to the commotion, we finally have a banning policy (up til now, we didn’t need one), and hopefully we won’t have to use it. *crosses fingers* I and the other admins are kind of surprised that it took so long for tempers to flare up like they did, but now that they have, maybe the people in the community who are nervous of we Swans having a voice, and actually using it, will come around to our way of thinking. We’re more than just food that can talk, you know. As Slinky quoted: If you don’t want your food to talk, then don’t go to the restaurant at the end of the universe.

Now for the nil-ish stuff.

Family is doing okay. One of my sisters is back in our home town for a visit with my other two biological sisters. The little brother is learning the wonder of Neopets. He still hasn’t figured out the whole “You have to submit your score to earn points so you can feed your pet and buy it shineys.” Mom and Dad have to keep reminding him when they see him playing. It’s cute. I reactivated one of my older accounts (the one I actually remember my password to), and that way I can “babysit” him on Neopets. I also help him cheat if he gets a fairy quest, since he doesn’t totally understand everything.

OMG, it’s hot here. It’s been in the upper 90’s for the past 4 days or so, and freakishly humid. I’ve been camping down at my mom’s place on a recliner, since she has a ground floor place, therefore, in theory, cooler. When I’m at work, I’ll sit outside on the sidewalk while I have my break and smoke or eat.. I just love how I’ll go outside with a glass that’s just ice, and if I accidentally set it on the asfault, the condensation turns to steam when it hits the ground. Plus side of all this sun? My legs don’t glow in the dark as badly as they did during the winter. The tops of my feet got burnt, but you can still sort of see the ghost of the tan lines from last summer’s henna on them, from where I drew protection sigils and the like before I flew to move.

My mom recently got back in contact with my “aunts”. Auntie Diana and Aunt Bun were my adopted aunts back when I was in junior high, and trolling on IRC when it was still brand spanking new. Like, I remember teaching them bffutondtkibd (Best Friends Forever Until The Ocean Needs Diapers To Keep It’s Bottom Dry, jsyk :P) The only one we can’t find is my Uncle Oggy, the man who taught me most of what I know about runes (outside of books). He gave me runic homework and stuff, and would praise me on my shotputting skills (which were nonexhistant, since I barely hurled the thing 6 feet, and everyone was lobbing the damned ball twice or triple that, to warm up). No offense to my aunties, but I did kind of like Uncle Oggy best. He was so cool! And, for a 12-13 year old, learning things that no one at your school had ever heard of (like runes, and doing practice readings in homeroom while the teacher looked on enrapt in it all) was AWESOME. Yeah, I yelled that. Sue me.

But now, I’ve got another person other’n Wolf and Slinky to harp on me about my blog. My mom got a Blogger. And you thought mine had a lameass while still wicked cool title? Hers is “God, I’m getting old.” So, now we have to compete on who does more posts. She doesn’t read mine, nor does she know what it’s about. My mom’s cool, but even she would probably go a bit wacky about me talking about being friends with vampires, let alone letting them nom on my aura. I mean, she gave me my first Psychic Self Defense workbook when I was in highschool, cause she knew I was having problems in school. I just don’t think she realised the extent of it, since I don’t believe she knows about my empathy, and I know she doesn’t know about me being a fae.

So, I need to go yell at the brother. He’s addicted to YouTube, and insists that the entire household must listen to fast food restaurant commercials from Brazil…


Weekend 1 Aka Days 3&4

Do to my work schedule (I work in retail for a pharmacy chain), I close on Saturdays, and open on Sundays, which is kind of brutal on the sleep schedule, so I’m almost never online Saturday nights, unless I’m wracked with insomnia. So, until my schedule changes, the weekend posts will be smushed together into one post.

Not much has happened, vamp wise. My vamp is feeling much better. They gave her a script for super benadryl, and I think they might be giving her something like what people with bee allergies have, in case of a sudden attack on her system. My older brother, the vamp, is doing well. We talked last night before I passed out. We bond in a strange way, while he’s on duty as an MP in the army. I call, and we listen and comment on what goes over the police freq’s he listens to. Dispatch has such a cute little accent 😛

My mom made my day when she picked me up from work last night. She got me a coffee maker. And not just any coffee maker…

A Hello Kitty coffee maker. If you know me, you know my fascination with Hello Kitty and the color pink. The thing is at least three different shades of pink. So, what did I do? Called my brother and left a message, demanding that he buy me something to match. 😛 I apparently talked too fast from the excitement, so I had to repeat myself significantly slower to him later on. Yeah… No dice on getting the matching toaster or toaster oven. *pouts* He’s kind of on the broke side at the moment, so I told him I could wait.

Oh, and the coffee maker works wonderfully. Mom and I split a pot while watching tv and crocheting new projects. Mom attempting a capelet pattern, and myself working on a scarf for my sister of the heart’s boyfriend/fiance.

Today was rather uneventful. I hit the snooze 3 times before actually waking up, fed my fish, Meester Feeshie, got dressed, brushed my teeth and hair, ditched doing makeup, grabbed my purse and coat, and got my mom so she could take me to work. Yeah, my vamp is on a budget. Buying her donor a car is out of the question, not that I’d actually let her buy me one. I mean, yarn is one thing, but a car? Oh, hell no. She does not need to try and buy me off to have me give her my energy. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. Anyways… I worked, I got home, did dishes, gave my fish “a bath”, fixed the first pot of coffee, ate dinner and read a pattern book, and here I am.

Now, I guess people are going to go “But, Pixie, what the hell do you actually do that involves vampires? Do you let them bite you and junk, or are you making this whole thing up for attention?”

Well, as of yet, I’m just an energy donor for a psychic vampire. Her body doesn’t make enough energy on it’s own to run her at the peak of fitness. Luckily, she’s evolved or adapted to take in energy from other sources. She is one that takes it psychically. Others need to drink blood to survive. And others still need to take psychic energy AND drink blood, or they aren’t quite right. If a vampire doesn’t get their needed “food”, the symptoms can vary from something as mundane as mild depression, to, I’ve heard, seizures and fits of mania.

Yeah, not pretty.

My job, if you could call it that, is to supply what the vampire can’t make on their own. I naturally have oodles of excess energy. A good portion of it is my own, the other part coming from my empathic abilities. I’m like a walking, talking, human sponge for people’s emotions. If I don’t block it out, I get swamped with every person I come in contact with’s emotions, be it happyness or severe depression. But even with blocking, a little bit of what I come in contact with sticks to me, so I give it to my vamp, in addition to my excess energy. I have no use for it, while she does. Simple as that.

The sensation is different for everyone. And with me, the sensation is slightly different depending on which vamp it is that is tapping into me. My current vamp is not my first, and at one point in our relationship, I was supplying two other’s with energy, I’m that hyper 😛

The way it feels for me, is like someone has ahold of a small section of hair, typically somewhere on the top of my head, and they’re gently, but steadily, pulling up on it. My current vamp, it feels like she pulls from the crown of my head. My brother, just a bit more towards my face from the crown. A friend of ours, it feels like he’s pulling on where I would have bangs, if I kept them short. But with all of them, I have a sense of peace and happiness wash over me. In one instance, the happy feeling was so strong, the only way I can describe it would be like if I had taken a hit of Ecstasy. No, I’ve never taken the drug, but I knew people who had, and have also read the clinical reactions.

But like I said, it’s different for everyone. You might not feel a tugging when you donate, you might feel pressure on a part of your body. Or you might feel no physical effects save a sense of euphoria wash over you. Just remember: If it feels bad, wrong, what have you, tell them to stop. Most vamps strive hard to make it a pleasurable experience for both parties, and if you’re uncomfortable, they will typically stop, let you catch your breath, and discuss the issue with you, so they can see if it is a problem that is fixable, or if you’re not suitable to be a donor to them at that time. If you can’t be their donor, don’t despair! It’s not big deal. You’re not a failure, and they aren’t a picky bastard 😛 You can still be friends, right? Right. So it’s not a big loss on your part. You gain a friend, and the vamp has someone they can talk to about their hidden life without the pressures of a donor/vamp relationship with you pressing on them. They’ll find a donor, and you could probably even help in the search. They could probably even find a vamp that you’d be compatable with, so it really is a win win situation.

 Okay. I think that’s enough me rambling for tonight. I’m well over the 1100 word mark. So, I bid you goodnight, sleep well, whenever you head off to your bed, and I’ll see you tomorrow evening, roughly around this time.