A clarified and calmer donor’s point of view on yesterday’s post

Okay, so last night’s post was ranty. I appologize for that. It was late (for me), and it pushed buttons, and I broke a cardinal rule of the internet. Don’t post when emotional.

So, to clarify a few things from yesterday’s postage:

A) No, I do not really want to stab Ryu. Sheesh. “Wants to go stabby” is a turn of phrase meaning one is extremely angry. I’m anti-violence and anti-weaponry.

B) No, this is not a personal attack on Ryu after years of us arguing. He claims to not know who I am, and I’ve only been in conversations with him rarely, the most recent, I believe, was a few years ago. Ryu’s name is in the title because he was the instigator on at least three occasions where such talk/conversation happened.

C) My chief complaint was that out of all the people in that transcript, only one person, in my opinion, spoke against what Ryu and the others said. And that’s sad.

The thing that those who posted negatively on my blog and on facebook where I linked the blog don’t understand is that what you’re saying isn’t something I haven’t heard before. It’s just been awhile since someone actually talked like that to me in public. What you say does not shock me, it just makes me pity you. With how much the VC has grown in the past few years alone, I was hoping that such talk would end, and people would wake up to the fact that we’re all in this community together, vampire, donor, and non-vamp.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been involved with the vampire community for nearly two thirds of my life, on the verge of twenty years. My older brother is a vampire, I went to school with vampires, a few of my closest friends are vampires, you get the drift. Hell, when I was in high school, due to my weird assed energy signature, I was mistaken for a form of psi vamp. I’m not one, but still. I’ve seen and been involved in parts of a vampire’s life that even the vampire in question doesn’t fully understand. My role, as I see it, is for me to be there as a support for the vampires in my life, and, the vampire community in general. Which includes donors and other non vampires who are active in the community.

As a “Community Leader”, it is my job to try to make my little corner of the community open and welcoming to all members of the community. Not just those who I want in. Everyone. Else, why would I or the other admins of the Black Swan Haven allow vampires to join the forum, modify the color scheme of the website so it’s as friendly as we can get (while still looking attractive) for vampire eyes, etc? I do my damnedest to try to be polite to everyone, but, alas, I’m only human, so I’m bound to blow a gasket now and then.

Like I said before, this cat dirt that I’m seeing directed towards me isn’t anything new, and honestly, I think that a large portion of the community either doesn’t realize how often it happens, that it happens at all, or if they do see it, just brush it under the carpet as “Oh, it must just be one of the occasional nutjobs that makes it’s way into the community. It’ll go away soon if we ignore it. Don’t feed the trolls, you know.” When we started the BSH, do any of you realize just HOW MUCH hate mail I recieved in our inbox that said things along the lines of:

“Who do you think you are, starting a vampire website/forum, but not allowing vampires to be moderators/administrators.”

“How dare you think that you’re better than vampires. You’re our food. We eat you. You have no right to a voice in the community.”

“Shut this down now, or we’ll attack your server/website.”

Take a look at the comments on my last post, or where I posted the link in facebook’s vampire groups. I am happy that quite a few people agreed with me, and spoke out against such talk/treatment of donors. But the rest of the comments. Typical. And no, I’m not editing any of their comments, I’m just clicking the “Approve” button.

The thing that these vampires (who I severely hope are in the minority) don’t realize, is that vampire politics DOES affect the donors and non vamps in the community. Yes, it’s not always directly, but even if it doesn’t, it very well could hit us indirectly through the vampires in our lives. It might not seem important to you, but it is to me. For example, I was a donor as a teenager. Now, if you go to nearly any VC website/forum, they will tell you that you cannot be a donor until you’re 18. Makes sense, due to legal issues, such as statutory rape, since many view vampiric feeding as a sexual act, or as assault, and when you’re a minor, you have no right to consent to it under the law. Nearly two decades ago, that wasn’t seen often. Donors were rare, as they are now, hence the term Black Swan used for us. So people turned a blind eye towards underaged donors and vamps engaging in feedings, and there weren’t so many lists of blood substitutes and tricks to deal with the cravings as you see today.

Let me phrase this another way. Back in the day (1950’s and prior), women stayed at home, took care of the household and the children, while the men went to work. You’ll see it in books and radio/tv shows from that time. “Honey, you do your womanly duties, and let the man do the thinking around here.” That would be deemed sexist nowadays, and unappropriate for society. Now, replace woman with donor/non vamp, and swap out man for vampire.

“Honey, you do your donorly duties, and let the vampire do the thinking around here.” Tell me how that is any less offensive than the original sentence? And not using the “But Vampires are superior to donors” line of bull pucky.

Couldn’t come up with a reason, could you? Didn’t think so.

Donors like me have to put up with such nonsense on a regular basis. Now, I admit, my brother teases me that I’m the “perfect prey” for a psi vamp, and a “walking, talking smorgesboard”, but he teases me in a good naturely manner. And I admit it. I’m as close to the opposite, and therefore, “perfect prey” for psi vamps. Psi vamps don’t make enough energy, and need an outside source to get it. I make/gather too much energy in me, and need an outside source to shove it into. Purely symbiotic in nature for me. Other donors do it because they have a person they care about that is a vampire of some sort, and they want to be more than just a shoulder to lean on in times of need. So, where in that relationship does it show that either donors or vampires are superior to the other? No where. It’s a symbiotic relationship, and I’m proof of it. My big brother is a vampire, so I was born to balance him out. Simples.

Recently, the VVC put out a community questionaire, asking what the biggest problem with the VC was, and how should it be fixed, which can be found at http://www.veritasvosliberabit.com/accountability.html. The number one response?

Grandiosity/Narcissism. And quite a few of the complaints were about people who claim to be vampiric and, essentially, the biggest badass in the food chain. And yet, when I call someone on their grandiosity and narcissism, what happens? “How dare you step out of place and address your superiors thusly. Shame on you.”

Mhmm. Whatever. It’s talk like this that drives people away from our community, makes it hard for new donors and young vamps to feel welcome in the community, adds to the stressors that we, as a whole, go through when establishing trust in a new donor/vamp relationship, etc.

The good news that came out of my rantitude yesterday? The people who’s reactions were “Holy shit.” “This makes me sick.” and the like. Also my friends and family standing behind me, giving me hugs for stepping up and saying something rather than ignoring it, or staying quiet in my little corner. It’s people like this that gives me hope that OUR vampire community is strong, welcoming, and helpful to those who stumble across us on their life-path. I just hope it’s enough to drown out the nay-sayers.

13 thoughts on “A clarified and calmer donor’s point of view on yesterday’s post

  1. As a vampire that has been awakened since very tiny, I have always been disturbed and disappointed by the overwhelming elitist bullshit that flows from every direction. As a result, I am an avid Solitaire. I take offense to being invited to join a house or coven. I did not bother to read the previous article about Ryu, because the title alone expressed your anger. I decided to read this one based on the rational tone you took at VCN. I am quite glad I did. I appreciate your stance, your attitude, your beliefs, and your goals. If I had met a Blood-Letter like you as a teen, I would have stopped fantasizing about suicide much sooner. ❤ One love. ❤

  2. Ryu says:

    I will let you all believe what you wish, you call us RPGers thats fine, I stand by what I said, Donors have no place in Vampyric matters. if it does not concern donors then they should have no say point blank!

  3. Marmoon Bey says:

    What I read yesterday made me physically sick,,, and I applaud you for standing up for yourself and the Swan/Donor community. Our Swans/Donors are our friends, family, lovers and companions. Sometimes they are our inspiration and the shoulder we seek when we need someone to talk to that really understands. As far as I am concerned, they are our equals and should be treated as such. We don’t live in the dark ages, or in the pages of a mythological book about vampires. Hang in there sweetie, there are more of us out there that will line up behind you rather than the few misguided and obviously delusional people who need a reality check.

  4. Pandora says:

    Its not that you aren’t allowed to think its that its doesn’t seem right for you to think for vampires just like vampires shouldnt think for non-vamps. I have gay family members and friends but I don’t join their LGBT groups, why? Because I am not gay now I support them and their life and the groups they are in but I don’t know what they go through or any of that point being I am not so I support but dont join or think I should be allowed in. Have a donor group great thats fine and by all means tell the vamps that want in to “kick rocks” thats what I say.

    • Ryu says:

      that is what I am saying! well said!

    • D, , says:

      makes sense to me, course when that donor found out they were in the wrong place they should have bowed out and not act like a spy for some one or others that are also not above that private group, they violated everyone’s privacy even when some of us didn’t do anything wrong it is still bad
      D, ,

  5. CG says:

    Ryu.. all I’m gonna say on THIS thread (I posted a nice long opinion on Pixies clarification post – the next article) is
    “Discretion is the better part of valor”
    Seriously? You know this.

    • misha says:

      CG this is ryu, I stand by my statement, funny how no one said anything to the donor who started me off in the first place. But that’s fine. And to those who think I am a role player believe what you will I can careless. I have been in the community for well over 20 years, I accept who and what I am fully.
      I am not some bullshit cyber vamp, or life styler. I walk in the real community meet and greet with true kin. I have had many donors , I never go hungry and never will. I find it funny how many if not all of you can speak so bold online yet lack the honor to speak to me one on one, I know for a fact none of you will ever speak to me face to face the way you do online….before you say I have no respect nor honor, know that what was posted was in a vampyric group that is closed to outsiders and it was taken without asking, that in its self is cowardly and underhanded and done to cause drama, and it seems you all fell for it, and you say I am childish, smh…grow up. We all have our points of view. Learn to deal with it…I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY MY STATEMENTS! It is my right to keep my part of the community strictly vampyric as it is your right to bitch about it

      • D, , says:

        haha RYU you know ill speak the same as i do on the phone as here hahah but most of these screen warriors yeah your not going to see it
        PIKA CHU!!! haha
        D, ,

    • D, , says:

      HAHA now all he needs to do is be in a documentary. hahahaha
      D, ,

  6. CG says:

    Ryu… I had no idea this was taken from a private forum without permission… you’re right. thats NOT fair. that said…I stand by the fact that you’re entitled to any opinion you want. I will also stand by the fact that when shit like this hits the fan all of us are tarnished by it.

    I’m not the thought police. We all have our idiosyncrasies and we all have our way of dealing with who and what we are, and we are entitled to do what is in our best interest.. but you know me… I prefer to see this sort of “disagreement” handled outside of the public domain and I think its sad that it got dragged into the public view where it could be blown out of proportion. (and lets face it.. your own replies above have helped to fuel the fire significantly) How you treat your donors and what arrangements you have with them is between you and your donor, but something certainly prompted someone to bring this into the public view, so obviously someone was not happy with something, whether that was your donor or some other person, I have no idea, but it seems something in your house is out of order.

    I have never called you a role player, nor do I believe you are. But as an “old school” Vamp you know as well as I do that the stuff posted publically was going to cause offence in the community at large. (I realize from your reply above that it was never meant for public consumption) People WILL assume you treat your donors badly, which is no doubt the point of what was released from your private sanctum into the public. Its the risk we run when we post things that can be taken out of context. even in what should be a private place.

    It’s none of my business what arrangements you have with our donors, but it DOES become my issue when it becomes a public fiasco that affects the rest of us. You COULD have chosen to defuse the situation.. what you did in the replies above is fuel the fire, where discretion would have been more advisable. I’m sorry this has turned into a shit storm. All of us who consider ourselves “old school” are now taking a hit over this, and the community is now up at arms believing the Donor community to be under attack. Surely there was a better way to handle this?
    (anything else I have to say I’d rather say to you in private since I prefer to follow my own advice and not air laundry in public 🙂 )

    Now… please stop creating all this commotion, and let people know you do NOT condone abusing donors. All this stupidity is making my head hurt. 🙂

    TLDR? There are two sides to everything, This could have been handled better. Please find a way to let the Donor community know they are not under attack by you so the rest of us can get on with our lives.

  7. enforcer vv says:



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