It gets better

I know I don’t blog as much as I say I would, and I’m sorry. But this is important.
If you haven’t heard of the “It Gets Better” project, please look into it. It is a wonderful movement to help teens realize that life will get better. It’s geared towards LGBT teens, but this blog is geared towards vampires & swans, so that is where I’m dedicating it to. I know, I know… It should be a video, but I get highly emotional at a drop of a hat, and with my thick accent, adding tears would make me that much more unintelligible. Hence the written word.
Many of you know me as the bubbly, outspoken Acrophobic Pixie. If you really knew me, especially when I was a teenager, you would be shocked. Gods, I’m so damned quiet, shy, and introverted, it’s ridiculous. I almost missed out on meeting the love of my life due to it.
In high school, I was the shy loner kid who didn’t fit in anywhere. I was in marching band, but I didn’t have any real friends there. I was on the academic teams, even medalling at state Academic Decathalon, but I didn’t feel close to anyone there. I wasn’t freaky enough for the Goth crowd, etc. I grew up in a smallish town in the middle of nowhere Indiana. If you went to the wrong church, you were shunned. So, try to imagine being pagan, with your closest friend being a vampire. To top that off, add normal things girls get bullied over. I was over weight, didn’t have the latest fashions, etc. My parents divorced when I was 6, and then had a fairly nasty custody battle when I was 10. I was physically ripped from my mother’s arms because a family member didn’t want to acknowledge that she existed.
My life has not always been pretty. I know it’s hard to believe, but I have made stupid choices in my life. I have contemplated suicide. Several times. I KNOW how it feels to think that it can never get better, that the pain will stop. It will get better. Trust me.
I have gone through a lot in my life. I have been through what, to me, was hell on earth. I have survived through a dysfunctional family and home life as a child. I have survived an abusive relationship. I have survived being evicted, homeless, needing the help from total strangers to live. I have survived being the butt of bully’s jokes, being mentally and physically abused by people and feeling like you can’t do anything right.
But, like Dan Savage and his husband, Terry, said, it gets better.
I’m not nearly as extroverted as I wish I could be, but I now have many friends, from all over the world. I have met the love of my life, and we have been discussing marriage. I have a steady job, where it doesn’t matter who you are, or where you’re from. My life is a hell of a lot better than I ever thought when I was a teenager. God, if I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would. I would hug younger Pixie, and tell her how awesome we become. We have people who love us, who respect our opinions. We have started a support network for members of the vampire community that had, heretofore been fairly ignored. I’ve had a hard life, but it’s gotten so so so much better. I just hope that you, whoever you are, you can try to believe me. I don’t know you, might never know you, but you’re awesome. You’re special, and nothing anyone says or does can ever change that. You deserve to be whoever you want to be.
Whoever you are, I love you. And you totally deserve it. Never ever let anyone tell you you don’t. I. Love. You. That’s it. Finito. The end. And I’m totally tearing up atm. I’m going to go cuddle with Cricket, mah baby demon kitteh.

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