Story Time: My Path Through the Vampiric Community

Grumpy Vamp's Guide to the GVC

About a decade ago, I wrote an essay that I jokingly titled “What I did over my summer vacation AKA How I became a donor”. Things have changed drastically in the community since I wrote that, let alone since I first found the community roughly 20 years ago. Heck, I’m on the third computer since that essay and my 5th hard drive. I might have the essay somewhere on a hard drive that isn’t dead. There’s likely a version floating around the internet somewhere, but it’s really out of date, so, this is a take on that, but more updated to fit today’s community and how we interact now.

I’ve sat on a precarious perch, one foot in the vampiric community, one foot out. I am not a vampire, though I have family, friends, and loved ones who are. I am not a “normal human”, “mundane”, “vanilla”, “nil”, or whatever…

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CISPA Blackout

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The Donor not a Döner blog is blacked out in protest against CISPA, a bill which roughly equates to a “Patriot Act” for internet accounts. This bill gives the United States government the right to put the equivalent to a wiretap on your email, forum, and social media accounts, with no warrant needed.
The Vampiric Community is very big on privacy, and keeping our dayside separate from our nightside. This bill could try to force every vampire and donor “out of the coffin”, at the risk of losing jobs, leading to nasty custody battles, etc.

Musicality

Totally unrelated to vampirism, but so is a majority of my life. I’m sorry, but the world doesn’t revolve around them, much as they wish it would be so…

ANYWAYS!

Some of you might know that I’m musically inclined. A good number of my friends are musicians (and they even make a living at it, they’re that good). Now, I’m not claiming to be some virtuoso, but I do have a bit of a knack for matching sounds together and making a nice tune out of them. I’ve been writing music since I was a teen (it was required for my music theory and appreciation class, and well, I just never stopped), and I’ve a few completed songs on my computers, in addition to some half finished songs. I was cajoled the other day to play some of my songs for an audience. Now, it was online in a turntable.fm room, so the audience wasn’t easy to peg down. I queued up one of my songs, and as the first strains came out of my speakers, I instantly ran off to be sick from nerves. The person who needled me into playing my stuff kept an eye on my song’s stats for me…

I had several people love the song, and up vote it, and a few of them snagged the song into their queue to play at a later date. Then, to make matters worse, they wanted more. I about fainted straight away. I know I’m decent, but it’s against my nature to think I’m really awesome at something, especially when so many of my friends are so talented at the same thing. So, I queued up a second song, thinking “Okay, they won’t like it as well as the first because it’s a completely different style, and unlike the first, there’s no 8bit undertones to it.”

Yeah. I was wrong. If anything, they liked that song even better than the first. I was (and still am) flabbergasted at their reaction. They clamored for more, where they could down load the songs, how they could pay me…

So, I’m currently working on setting up an account at http://www.bandcamp.com , a highly respected site for independant musicians to give quality merchandise and makes keeping track of payments and the like easy on the artists. I put a few songs up to listen (not down loadable) at http://soundcloud.com/acrophobicpixie . My goal is to have a full album uploaded to BandCamp by the end of February/early March and available for purchase. I just need to tweak a few things: render the files in a lossless format, determine the track order, design a cover for the album, and make a banner for the page. The last one is the trickiest. I’m not really all that graphically talented. I’m currently asking for some friends to maybe draw something up for me.

It’s all so exciting, though. I mean, I doubt I’ll ever make a living off of my music until I finish school and get a decent resume (I’ve applied for the Academy of Art’s music program), but still… This is something I didn’t really think I’d see.

Pardon me while I run off to do several happy dances.

My baby’s all grown up!

Gah, I’m feeling old. My (unofficially adopted) daughter is engaged! I’ve known her since she was a little little thing, & I honestly couldn’t be happier for her. Her fiance seems to be a total sweetheart.
Well, I was so happy when she asked me to help with the wedding. I cannot express it in words. I admit it, I teared up. I mean, while I didn’t give birth to her, she’s my lil baby. So, I’ve been scouring bridal magazines I had stashed in a closet, & fishing around for ideas. I have an idea of what she wants, so I’m ripping out pictures & popping them in a folder for her to look at.
The hardest part? Figuring out how to word the invitations in a formal manner, and respecting the groom’s parents, but still including the bride’s adoptive parents, with a nod to her birth parents (who are not in the picture). Yup. My girl wants a big formal wedding. The way I’m seeing it, she wants a gothic royal wedding. I’m going to do my best to see that she gets it.
She has strict rules that if I turn into Momzilla, she’s to bop me upside the head. So, I’m going to go relax with a nice glass of merlot, put away the bridal pile, & annoy my cat & daughter a bit.

Why am I still surprised?

Warning: There is a link to NSFW content in this post.

About two months ago I wrote a pair of posts/articles/whatever you want to call them. They were deemed highly controversial for what I talked about. I don’t regret what I called attention to, namely the way donors and non-vamps are sometimes treated in the online and offline vampire community. The first post came across pretty darned bitchy, so I wrote a calmer version a day or two later.

Either way, I got a barrage of comments on here and on facebook groups where it was linked. Some sided with me (Yay!), but a large number, well… To be honest, a good number were not nice, polite, etc. A large percentage of those comments seem to be from people who didn’t actually read the whole blog post, just the title of the first one, and thought “HOMG! That bitch is attacking that guy! Who dafuq does she think she is?” I’ve gotten threats against my life, just because I didn’t like what a group of people (not just one singular person) said about people like me. Tough shit. I’m an adult, I live in the United States, where we have the right to free speech. Despite claims to the contrary, I didn’t edit anyone’s comments. I approved every comment on those two posts, whether they were “Pro-Pixie” or not. The only time I disapproved or edited comments in the entire time this blog has been up is if it was a spam comment promoting some stupid website, or, like I saw yesterday when I checked my email, someone posted the same comment on 4 different posts on my blog.

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Yup. That’s the post. Did I look at the porn linked? No. A friend of mine did. Let’s just say, ew. Want to watch it yourself? Here you go. http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=687535318 So, yeah.

I’m pissed. Why? I could just ignore this, and put it in the stupid threat that no one will follow through on, just like I have on the death threats. There’s just one big, and I mean big, difference.

No one has tried to kill me before. But, on the other hand, I have been raped before.

Yes, I’m a rape survivor. I had a person force themself on me against my will, and no matter how much I may dislike or even hate my worst enemy, I would never, and I mean NEVER, wish that upon anyone.

So. What am I going to do about it? Nothing. Confused? Here’s what I propose. Donor’s do their own form of a “sit-in”. Now, for those of you who are not quite sure what that is, I’ll spell it out for you. Back in the day, during the Hippy era and the civil rights protests in the late 50’s, early 60’s, people would gather and sit in protest against war or inequality. They’d just sit there, maybe sing a song, but that’s all they’d do. Sit.

Well, in this day and age, it’s somewhat impractical to do something like that. So I ask for donors to go on strike. Starting Wednesday, October 24th, until Halloween, a week later, don’t feed your vampire(s). Explain to your vampire why you’re on strike, that it’s a shame that donors that speak up against abuse are threatened abuse. That those who were not “blessed” to be born a vampire, but want to be involved to better your lives through friendship and being a possible food source, are treated like animals, like “cattle”. Now, if you’re lucky, like I am, and have vampires in your life who are cool, treat you like an equal, etc., kudos for you. But, still go on strike. After I publish this post, I’m calling or texting my vampires and letting them know that the buffet is closed.

Now, it’s been suggested to me by a close friend that the strike should be for longer than a week. But, I’m not going to risk people’s health over this. I figure that one week is long enough to make a point, but short enough that people won’t suffer serious health complications from lack of feeding. Stock up on substitutes, people. If other donors out there want to extend the strike, don’t go longer than a month. Myself, it would lead to issues. I donate because I have to. I’m the energetic opposite of a psychic vampire. While vamps need to eat energy, I need to drain it.

I’m adding this post to my list of “Publish all comments unedited, no matter what”. Even if they aren’t legible. Even if they, yet again, threaten me physically. I’ll also cross-link this post to a couple of Facebook groups and some forums I’m on. If you read this, whether you agree with it or not, pass it on. Spread the word.

Through the Eyes of “Swans”, an RVN article

Republished from http://realvampirenews.com/through-the-eyes-of-swans-vampire-donors/ with permission.

 

Good evening to all our readers. In all the time that RVN has been operating we have focussed on the vampires view of the sub-culture and the views and opinions of members of the VC/OVC. We came to the realisation, on or about the 3rd of August this year, that we had not addressed ourselves to one of the most vital components of the whole picture ~ the ‘Swans’ or Donors who give of themselves that vampires might maintain themselves and be fit and well.

It is true that, in a large part, the ‘Swans’ tend to get forgotten to some extent in the whirl and bustle of vampire society, most vampires recognise the inherent value of the relationship with their donors, nearly all vampires recognise that without these donors they will probably not be completely well, fit and happy. There are, however, a few who believe that donors are second class citizens in the culture and this is perhaps the most abhorrent attitude that appears from time to time.

With all this said, and in mind, we decided to rectify our unforgivable oversight and we invited three, highly respected community members as our special guests to join us with the ‘Swans point of view’.

 

We are delighted, and honoured, to welcome to RVN Swan Queen, Acrophobic Pixie and Cheri.

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RVN: Good evening and welcome, it is a great pleasure for us to be able to welcome you here ladies.

SQ: Good evening, thanks for having me.

AP: Thank you for having me.

C: Good evening.

 

RVN: To begin, would you tell us a little about yourself, how long you have been active in the VC/OVC and a bit about what have you been up to since you arrived?

SQ: Sure. I’m a Colorado native who has moved to Louisiana within the past year to be in a committed relationship with my vampire. When I’m not at work I’m busy persuing my hobby as a roller derby referee- I used to be a skater but my knees can’t take the abuse any more.  I’ve been active in the OVC since my late 20’s- as far as the VC community goes, I haven’t been too active. To be honest, I haven’t been doing anything really as there doesn’t seem to be much “room” for us donors quite yet.

AP:  I’ve been involved with the vampire community since my early teens, due to the fact that I have a sibling who is vampiric. I’ve been a member of many forums and websites over the years, but most notably the Black Swan Haven, which is my baby. I’m also a representative of the VVC (Voices of the Vampire Community), and have been for several years, now.

C: While I have been a donor for over 20 years, I have only been involved with the VC in a limited way for about the last 10 years, and the OVC only a few years. I have written a few articles on donors in various places, and have been involved in a few interviews, but most of my efforts in the OVC are centered on the one on one interactions with people and in the few places I am active online.

I plan on being a bit more active from now on in an effort to reach more potential donors, and to help them be as informed as they can be.

 

 

RVN: Would you mind sharing with us what type of “Swan” you are; that is sanguine, psi or other? And what term do you prefer be applied to it, swan or donor?

SQ: I am a sanguine swan. To me, the term “swan” is more poetic than anything so “donor” works.

AP: Swan, donor, it makes no difference to me. Technically, I would be considered an amber swan, since I’m available for both sang and psi donations, but primarily I’m a crystal swan (psi donor) for my primary vamp and my brother.

C: I donate both Psi/energy and Sang/blood, but I am primarily a Sang/ blood donor. And I much prefer the term donor over swan.

 

RVN: What was the catalyst that made you decide that you needed to find “vampires” and become Swans/Donors?

SQ: I always knew that I was different. When I reached my late twenties, I had what I can only describe as this intense yearning and ache deep within me. I couldn’t place my finger on it but I knew I had to do something about it. I tried burying it deep within me but it kept on surfacing to the top. I became so intent on finding real vampires then–I knew that there had to be more than what Hollywood and Anne Rice had to offer.

This was around the mid ’90s and the beginning of my true search. Eventually, literally after years of researching, reading (Katherine Ramsland), searching and sifting through the wannabes and online players I finally found the OVC, and also what exactly that yearning and ache was all about–I was a donor.

AP: Honestly? My brother was being a stubborn dumb ass. He was in the military, stationed overseas, and wasn’t able to find a donor. The night/club scene was either sketchy or non-existent, so he couldn’t skim off of the crowd effectively. He was slowly “starving” himself. So, I read some books, did some experiments, and learned how to do long distance psi feedings for him.

C: I did not actively seek vampires at the start. I had a good friend that lost his donor and asked me if I would be willing to donate to him. After that he introduced me to some of his friends and I learned of the need for safe and sane donors. I chose to continue being a donor after his un-timely death.

 

 

RVN: Swans/Donors are not usually as highly visible in the VC/OVC as their counterparts, why do you think this is? Is it a question of “a donor’s primary role” or “the elusive power behind the throne”?

SQ:  I don’t think that we have “the elusive power behind the throne”. We just seem to be outnumbered. The few donors that do choose to speak up in certain circles are usually well received, however, there will always be those vampires that view us with disdain and feel that we don’t matter. I think that it’s this negative treatment that keeps the majority of donors from speaking up- they are intimated but that’s not the case for me.  In regards to the OVC especially, since the majority of topics are geared towards vampires in general I know that I don’t have a say in most things as I am not a vampire and that I don’t know what they are going through- I can only sympathize.

AP: From what I’ve heard over the years from several vampires and donors is that quite a few donors peek into forums because their vamp is a member, and after they see some of the drama, back right out. The drama drives them away. Me, I could care less if what I say causes drama or not.

Now, my House that I was in was “ruled” by my older brother. As a non-vamp, I technically had no power on policy that didn’t concern donors and other non-vamps, but I would give him my opinion, and he respected me for it, whether he factored it in to his actions or not. Vice versa. He had no technical say on our policies, but I would take his opinion into consideration.

C: There are many reasons I have seen used by, and about donors to keep them from being visible in the community. I do not agree with most reasons, but, I also understand some of them. The community in general seems to love their donors, but many do not want them to be active and visible for what they feel are safety reasons. (safety for the vampire), or because they feel their donor may be “poached” if they are visible. There is also a small group of vampires that seem to feel they are “better than” or “above” their donors and have the right to dictate what they are allowed to do. This small section of the community seems to feel donors have no place in the general community.  I disagree with these lines of reasoning, but respect their right to have those reasons. It still will not stop me from being active and open in the community.

 

 

RVN: Can you foresee a time when you will no longer wish to be a Swan/Donor?

SQ: Never. It is a vital part of who I am and it will never change.

AP: When I’m dead, or if my energy balances itself out on its own. I’m kind of like the opposite of a psi vamp. They don’t make enough energy; I make/gather too much energy. As long as there are vampires, there’s going to be people like me to balance them out, in my opinion.

C: I do not foresee such a time. I plan on being a donor unless my health would be at risk from doing it.

 

 

RVN: Do you, as Swans/Donors, have ‘contracts’ with more than one vampire at a time or is it an exclusive “contract”? And, which do you think is better?

SQ: Well, I can only answer for myself. I am the exclusive donor to my vamp. By nature I prefer one-on-one relationships because to me, involving any more people to the mix can get messy and complicated- I also feel that the more people that are in such a delicate situation, especially when blood is involved, there is a much higher risk to everyone’s health. I don’t think that any type of contract is any better than any other, it’s just a matter of personal choice.

AP: At this time, I have a primary vampire, in addition to a few others whom I have on the back burner for when my energy levels get too high, and it’d be too much to shove into my primary. One of the backup vamps is my brother, and the rest are close friends. My primary vamp has been in a donor/vamp relationship with me since 2006, and we’ve been friends since 04ish.

Which is better? Honestly, whatever floats your boat. If your body can handle the stress, and you’re doing it safely (especially blood donors, spacing out the feedings so you don’t donate more than the Red Cross suggests), that is fine, cool, and groovy. If it can’t handle it, cool. Stick with one.

C: I prefer to be exclusive on both sides of the situation. I do not like for the vampire I feed to have other donors. I have been part of a situation where they had more than one donor, but the other donor was someone I knew well and trusted as much as I trusted the vampire.  I have also been a “fill-in” donor a few times when a donor friend was sick or unable to donate for a long period of time. I just prefer not to do such things.

 

 

RVN: How long have you been a Swan/Donor? And, has it ever become a ‘threatening’ situation?

SQ: I’ve been a swan for many years and an actual donor for almost a full year now. It has never been a threatening situation for me- quite the opposite actually. If it ever became a bad situation I’d be out so fast no one would ever know what had happened.

AP: I’ve been an active donor for about 13, maybe 14 years. Has it been threatening in those relationships? No. Nearly every vamp I’ve been partnered with is, or was, a member of my House, and therefore background checked, etc. Add in “protective big brother syndrome”, and you know I was doubly safe.

The only times being a donor in the VC has been threatening has been when I said something some vampires didn’t like, or when I started the Haven’s website. I’ve gotten death threats, told I didn’t know my place, how dare I say such a thing, what have you. I take precautions, of course, but, in the most part, I ignore most of those kinds of comments. They don’t know my vampires or me, nor the situations that have lead me to certain beliefs.

C: I have been a donor for over 21 years. I have never had a “threatening situation” happen from a real vampire. I have however had a bad situation happen with a Role Player that thought he was a 200 year old immortal vampire that was going to drain me dry to feed himself.

I learned from that situation to never agree to meet someone in private the first few times we meet.

 

RVN: What do you see as being absolutely necessary precautions in any Swan/Donor situation?

SQ: Safety, safety, safety! Always keep your well-being in mind both mentally and physically. Don’t take crazy risks and make sure that both you and your vampire do your research and know what you are doing. Also make sure that you are both disease free and mentally stable. There is always talk amongst vampires on watching out for “crazy donors”- well, it goes both ways  people! There are unstable vampires and dangerous wanna-be vamps out there as well. Get to know the person/people you are going to be involved with- follow your gut instincts.

AP: Do some research first, people! A) Wanting Edward as your dream vampire isn’t going to happen. B) If sang donating, get your blood tested, and, if the vamp is putting mouth to open wound, take your vamp to the dentist to get checked out for things like periodontal disease. C) Do more research. D) Did I mention research? The more that you know about the vampire community, why vampires act in certain ways, how to not trigger your vamp to go into a “bloodgasm” or “twoof”, and what foods and drinks make for handy blood substitutes for you to keep in the house, the easier your life with your vampiric partner will be. Also, take a first aid course, and pay EXTRA attention to the wound care section! Learn what a wound looks like if you’ve cut too deep and need to be rushed to the ER, and when you can just clean it and slap on a band aid. E) If meeting a vampire in real life that you originally met online, take the basic steps for safety. Meet in a public place; bring a friend to sit at a neighbouring table to keep an eye on you. Get to know the vamp before going “Here, take my blood!” Basic common sense rules that everyone should know.

C: Get to know the vampire you intend to feed very well before you ever agree to a feeding. Always discuss all aspects of your situation before setting up that first feeding. Insist on both yourself and the vampire being tested for STD’s and other blood born illnesses.

 

 

RVN: Do you consider “donating” as an intimate exchange or simply a “transaction” between individuals?

SQ: For me it is definitely an intimate exchange. It is very personal and sweet between the two of us. I honestly couldn’t see myself being anyone else’s donor.

AP: Both. With my brother, it’s intimate because it strengthens our bond with each other. He’s the only vampiric sibling I’ve got (out of 6 siblings), and we’re closer to each other than we are to any of our other brothers and sisters. With my primary vamp it’s also intimate, because she’s a dear friend of mine.

On the other hand, my back burner vamps, who are also friends, it’s just a transaction. I am neither their normal donor, nor their back up. They are my back up vamps for when donating to my primary vamp just doesn’t cut it for me. A vampire can only take in so much, and if I’m full to bursting, and she’s topped off, I need another place to stick it.

C: For me donating is an intimate but not sexual exchange. It can be sexual if both parties wish for it to be, but it is not in itself sexual. I can and have donated to those that do not wish it to be more than a “transaction” but it is not how I prefer to do it.

 

 

RVN: Do you think that, or have you seen evidence of, Swans/Donors in long term “relationships” with vampires can begin to display vampiric characteristics themselves?

SQ: No. I feel that if the donor starts to display vampiric characteristics they may want to seek counselling on some level. The only way that I see this happening legitimately is if perhaps the donor is actually an unawakened vampire.

AP: I’ve heard of it happening. Sometimes it’s just for a few days, and other times, I’ve heard, it triggered a latent vampire to go through their awakening. Personally, the only “symptoms” I’ve had are from when a vampire over-feeds. Protein cravings that would make a pregnant woman cringe (Big Mac with a side of General Tso’s chicken, please!), headaches/migraines, symptoms of being dehydrated. All, for me, went away typically between 6-48 hours after the onset.

C: That is a loaded question.

I have seen donors that were donating more than they should donate, show vampiric tendencies for a short time. Sometimes they would act much like a new Psi vampire until their energy system recovered. But I have never seen a donor “become” a vampire because of a long term “relationship”

I could maybe see a Sang donor craving blood if they allow their iron to drop to a point that their body starts to seek it out in odd ways.

 

 

RVN: What advice would you offer to anyone considering becoming a Swan/Donor?

SQ: Take your time- don’t rush the process. Do a lot of research on what’s involved in becoming a responsible donor and then do some more. You can never have enough knowledge on this subject. . Two excellent starting points are http://www.blackswanhaven.org and www. sanguinarius.org. Do a lot of soul searching and examine your motives in wanting to become a donor- it’s not a game. Always keep your safety and mental well-being in mind. Become friends with other legitimate donors and ask questions as well. Being a donor is such a rewarding experience when shared with the right person and so worth it.

AP: Do some research, and then look deep inside yourself. Can you really do this? There’s nothing in the world like being a donor, and it can put a stress into your life that you might not expect. Donating, especially sanguine, is seen outwardly oftentimes as an intimate or sexual act. Is your partner (gf/bf/spouse) okay with this? If not, are you comfortable hiding it from him/her?

But, above all else, be SAFE. You can run down the street in your birthday suit, hang from the rafters, sing Lady Gaga songs in public, I don’t care. Just be safe. That’s all I ask.

C: Learn all you can about what a donor actually is and what a real vampire actually is. Understand your own limits and what you truly want to get out of being a donor. The last person you should ever lie to about your motives is yourself. If you are simply looking for the thrill of being a “vampire’s donor” then admit that to yourself. Then seek out a vampire looking for the same things you are seeking. It only leads to trouble if you try to be something you are not just to donate. And number one piece of advice I would give… Never let being a donor take over your life or become your entire identity. Be a solid person outside the community and let being a donor simply become a part of the overall person you are.

 

 

RVN: In summary, have you anything else you would like to add?

SQ: I would love to be a vital part of getting the word out for both experienced and prospective donors- I feel there is a strong need for more active support out there for us in the VC/OVC.

With regards to the comments made by VC/OVC member Ryu (Donor, Not a döner. On WordPress, Aug. 6th, 2012). Just like anyone else Ryu has the right to his own opinion. However, I have a right to mine as well. Seeing what he posted literally made me sick to my stomach. It is very demeaning to donors as we are all human just like all vampires are human. I have seen a lot of conversations on Facebook and other sites where vamps discuss on how fellow vamps have to be careful because many donors and potential donors are “crazy”- well, it goes both ways and his beliefs prove it. Then many vampires wonder why they have trouble finding “chew toys” or “cattle” for their needs.

As far as donors having a voice in most “vampiric” matters I personally don’t feel the need to have one but when it involves the safety of donors and donors in general you sure as hell bet that I do. I also believe that I have the right to voice my opinion on certain subjects that are brought up within the OVC. However, I have no desire to be a member of any House- it wouldn’t do anything for me and I don’t lose any sleep at night over not being in one either. It is what it is and I have no issue with that.  What my main concern over this whole debaucle was the blatant disrespect for donors. I do not think that I am better than anyone else nor do I expect anyone to hold me in high regard because of what I am. All that I ask for is common courtesy and the chance to be heard on occasion.  Treat me with courtesy and basic respect and I will show you the same but if you treat me like you are better than I am or come off with an unjustified attitude then I will return your attitude in kind regardless of your status.

As far as those (you know who you are) who think that you are “holier than thou” because you are “vampire” you honestly amuse me to no end.  Just keep on playing your elitist card and your little role-play type attitudes and see where you eventually end up because the only ones that I feel sorry for are the ones that fall for your ego. I stand firmly in feeling this way and I will make no apologies for it.

Unfortunately there will always be those in any community that give the good members a bad name. Fortunately in my years of being a small part of this particular community I know many that are quite the opposite, many of whom I am blessed to call my friends.

AP: I love being a donor. Even if I weren’t “wired” to need to donate, I would probably still have ended up being a donor in some way, shape, or form. I’ve met some wonderful people because of it; have an awesome relationship with my big brother thanks to it, and more.

C: I take being a donor very seriously. I know that as a vampire’s donor, I am in a position of trust. They trust me to keep their secrets, to provide them with something they need, and to remain clean and healthy so I can continue to donate.

I feel that we, as donors, need to be a more active part of the general vampire community. The better informed we are about the issues affecting the vampires we support, the more efficient we can be as donors. We need to keep on top of the issues that may affect all of us, and by being active and visible in the community we put ourselves in a position to stay informed. My personal opinion is that well informed donors become long term safe, sane and sound donors. So many issues can be avoided if the person considering being a donor has someone visible to go to too ask questions and seek advice about things.

 

 

RVN: Thank you very much for sharing your insights, opinions and valuable time with us this evening.

SQ: Thank you, it’s been a pleasure.

AP: I’m happy to have been here. Thank you for inviting me.

C: Thank you for asking me to participate.

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They are the vampire’s friends, lovers, mates and spouses, a truly special sort of people who provide the vampire with the means of keeping well. The truth of this relationship runs deeper than just convenience, the truth of the matter is that without the ‘Swans’ or Donors, vampires everywhere would be in a pretty poor and pitiful way.

The donors deserve the deepest respect and a special regard for what they willingly give to others.

 

© RVN, Swan Queen, Acrophobic Pixie, Cheri 2012

 

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A clarified and calmer donor’s point of view on yesterday’s post

Okay, so last night’s post was ranty. I appologize for that. It was late (for me), and it pushed buttons, and I broke a cardinal rule of the internet. Don’t post when emotional.

So, to clarify a few things from yesterday’s postage:

A) No, I do not really want to stab Ryu. Sheesh. “Wants to go stabby” is a turn of phrase meaning one is extremely angry. I’m anti-violence and anti-weaponry.

B) No, this is not a personal attack on Ryu after years of us arguing. He claims to not know who I am, and I’ve only been in conversations with him rarely, the most recent, I believe, was a few years ago. Ryu’s name is in the title because he was the instigator on at least three occasions where such talk/conversation happened.

C) My chief complaint was that out of all the people in that transcript, only one person, in my opinion, spoke against what Ryu and the others said. And that’s sad.

The thing that those who posted negatively on my blog and on facebook where I linked the blog don’t understand is that what you’re saying isn’t something I haven’t heard before. It’s just been awhile since someone actually talked like that to me in public. What you say does not shock me, it just makes me pity you. With how much the VC has grown in the past few years alone, I was hoping that such talk would end, and people would wake up to the fact that we’re all in this community together, vampire, donor, and non-vamp.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been involved with the vampire community for nearly two thirds of my life, on the verge of twenty years. My older brother is a vampire, I went to school with vampires, a few of my closest friends are vampires, you get the drift. Hell, when I was in high school, due to my weird assed energy signature, I was mistaken for a form of psi vamp. I’m not one, but still. I’ve seen and been involved in parts of a vampire’s life that even the vampire in question doesn’t fully understand. My role, as I see it, is for me to be there as a support for the vampires in my life, and, the vampire community in general. Which includes donors and other non vampires who are active in the community.

As a “Community Leader”, it is my job to try to make my little corner of the community open and welcoming to all members of the community. Not just those who I want in. Everyone. Else, why would I or the other admins of the Black Swan Haven allow vampires to join the forum, modify the color scheme of the website so it’s as friendly as we can get (while still looking attractive) for vampire eyes, etc? I do my damnedest to try to be polite to everyone, but, alas, I’m only human, so I’m bound to blow a gasket now and then.

Like I said before, this cat dirt that I’m seeing directed towards me isn’t anything new, and honestly, I think that a large portion of the community either doesn’t realize how often it happens, that it happens at all, or if they do see it, just brush it under the carpet as “Oh, it must just be one of the occasional nutjobs that makes it’s way into the community. It’ll go away soon if we ignore it. Don’t feed the trolls, you know.” When we started the BSH, do any of you realize just HOW MUCH hate mail I recieved in our inbox that said things along the lines of:

“Who do you think you are, starting a vampire website/forum, but not allowing vampires to be moderators/administrators.”

“How dare you think that you’re better than vampires. You’re our food. We eat you. You have no right to a voice in the community.”

“Shut this down now, or we’ll attack your server/website.”

Take a look at the comments on my last post, or where I posted the link in facebook’s vampire groups. I am happy that quite a few people agreed with me, and spoke out against such talk/treatment of donors. But the rest of the comments. Typical. And no, I’m not editing any of their comments, I’m just clicking the “Approve” button.

The thing that these vampires (who I severely hope are in the minority) don’t realize, is that vampire politics DOES affect the donors and non vamps in the community. Yes, it’s not always directly, but even if it doesn’t, it very well could hit us indirectly through the vampires in our lives. It might not seem important to you, but it is to me. For example, I was a donor as a teenager. Now, if you go to nearly any VC website/forum, they will tell you that you cannot be a donor until you’re 18. Makes sense, due to legal issues, such as statutory rape, since many view vampiric feeding as a sexual act, or as assault, and when you’re a minor, you have no right to consent to it under the law. Nearly two decades ago, that wasn’t seen often. Donors were rare, as they are now, hence the term Black Swan used for us. So people turned a blind eye towards underaged donors and vamps engaging in feedings, and there weren’t so many lists of blood substitutes and tricks to deal with the cravings as you see today.

Let me phrase this another way. Back in the day (1950’s and prior), women stayed at home, took care of the household and the children, while the men went to work. You’ll see it in books and radio/tv shows from that time. “Honey, you do your womanly duties, and let the man do the thinking around here.” That would be deemed sexist nowadays, and unappropriate for society. Now, replace woman with donor/non vamp, and swap out man for vampire.

“Honey, you do your donorly duties, and let the vampire do the thinking around here.” Tell me how that is any less offensive than the original sentence? And not using the “But Vampires are superior to donors” line of bull pucky.

Couldn’t come up with a reason, could you? Didn’t think so.

Donors like me have to put up with such nonsense on a regular basis. Now, I admit, my brother teases me that I’m the “perfect prey” for a psi vamp, and a “walking, talking smorgesboard”, but he teases me in a good naturely manner. And I admit it. I’m as close to the opposite, and therefore, “perfect prey” for psi vamps. Psi vamps don’t make enough energy, and need an outside source to get it. I make/gather too much energy in me, and need an outside source to shove it into. Purely symbiotic in nature for me. Other donors do it because they have a person they care about that is a vampire of some sort, and they want to be more than just a shoulder to lean on in times of need. So, where in that relationship does it show that either donors or vampires are superior to the other? No where. It’s a symbiotic relationship, and I’m proof of it. My big brother is a vampire, so I was born to balance him out. Simples.

Recently, the VVC put out a community questionaire, asking what the biggest problem with the VC was, and how should it be fixed, which can be found at http://www.veritasvosliberabit.com/accountability.html. The number one response?

Grandiosity/Narcissism. And quite a few of the complaints were about people who claim to be vampiric and, essentially, the biggest badass in the food chain. And yet, when I call someone on their grandiosity and narcissism, what happens? “How dare you step out of place and address your superiors thusly. Shame on you.”

Mhmm. Whatever. It’s talk like this that drives people away from our community, makes it hard for new donors and young vamps to feel welcome in the community, adds to the stressors that we, as a whole, go through when establishing trust in a new donor/vamp relationship, etc.

The good news that came out of my rantitude yesterday? The people who’s reactions were “Holy shit.” “This makes me sick.” and the like. Also my friends and family standing behind me, giving me hugs for stepping up and saying something rather than ignoring it, or staying quiet in my little corner. It’s people like this that gives me hope that OUR vampire community is strong, welcoming, and helpful to those who stumble across us on their life-path. I just hope it’s enough to drown out the nay-sayers.